By Maia Leggott
Endometriosis doesn’t mean to ruin every single relationship she’s ever had. She can’t help that her clingy, intrusive tendrils weave patterns of destruction within every person she touches. She just wants to understand them, be inside them, fill their bodies with her inflammatory heat and share their worlds. Is that too much to ask?
Endo never wants to strip away their dignity, their health, self-confidence, or libido. It happens slowly, without her even realizing it until suddenly, she consumes all facets of their life. Everything from careers to babies to relationships is lost in the mêlée that is life with Endo. No one understands the isolation, the loneliness that comes with being an inflammatory illness. The pain of rejection is unbearable.
Until Cannabis comes along.
Her pungent, earthy aroma enlivens the senses: she is sweet, spicy, and a little bit sassy. Regardless of who someone is or where they’re from, she welcomes them with open arms and wants to know their story. Cannabis is drawn to those that are a little bit broken, victims of stigma, or just don’t quite feel like they belong. They all have value to her; she lifts them up and is laid-back yet energizing, hilarious yet solemn, encouraging yet cautious.
Endo is infatuated with the intoxicating serenity of their first meeting. She is peacefully at ease, and feels that together, they can conquer anything. They bond instantly over their shared affinity for the endocannabinoid system. Endo knows to approach with caution: diving headfirst into this without testing the waters could lead to undesirable consequences, and this is one kindred spirit she refuses to lose.
They start low and go slow, synchronizing breath, coming together.
Molecules collide. Receptors rejoice.
A warm euphoria spreads slowly from her core outward. A joyful tingling engulfs her in a tranquil cloud. The more time they spend together, the stronger their bond grows, and the more Cannabis helps her heal from her profound scars.
Suddenly, Endo is bearable to those she touches; the sting of her inflammatory rage tempered by Cannabis’ cool effervescence. Where she flares and infiltrates the deepest of crevices, Cannabis follows devotedly, laying down a velvet blanket to cradle the discomfort.
When Endo brings about physical illness and stomach upset, Cannabis is the soothing tonic that resets her equilibrium and calms the digestive fire. When they come together in the most intimate places, the sharp spasms of pain and
subterranean ache give way softly to gentle, then tenacious arousal. Like a Sapphic saga ordained by the gods, they melt together, the molecular composition of each forever changed by the other. Cannabis makes her feel again, softens her edges and coaxes out a sensuality she thought was lost long ago.
Sometimes, all they do is laugh. Life is wildly hilarious when they’re together, the most inane objects become victims of hysterical satire in their efforts to keep the demons at bay. Cannabis helps Endo believe she’s more than her destructive past or bleak future. She can be a force for change. They bring people together, even in their darkest moments, and connect them to something bigger than they are.
Even the greatest of soulmates experience friction. Sometimes, Cannabis just can’t contain Endo, and she wreaks havoc as she used to, leaving canceled plans and disappointed friends in her wake. Those are bad days. Other times, Cannabis overstimulates, and Endo wonders if it’s all a terrible mistake; if they’re spending too much time together and need a break. But every time they pause, she’s left in more pain and more alone than ever before.
It’s no way to survive, and certainly, no way to thrive. Sure, it’s possible to live without each other - but when life is better together, why should they?
Photo: Jessica Keith-Taillon